Isn’t it time we helped each other try to divorce with as much love as we marry?

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Image copyright — the author


In the UK, this is in no small part down to cruel marriage laws. If a couple wants to divorce quickly and quietly, then someone has to be officially blamed. Otherwise they must live apart for two years, if they can afford it, in painful limbo (or five years if one partner does not consent), unable to move on, frozen in aspic with time and their trauma. So, which would you rather: ‘adultery’? ‘Desertion’? Or ‘unreasonable behaviour’? That’s the current choice and has been for decades. No room whatsoever for a couple to have just…. changed. To not be in love anymore. If neither side wants to shoulder the blame, it means lawyers locking horns. Money. Strangers pouring over intimate details of your relationship and — having never eaten at your table nor slept by your side — deciding on your behalf why it broke down. Although sweeping cuts to legal aid over the last few years have made even this inaccessible for many.

“Admit it, it was sordid, it was disgusting, it was sinful.”


Neither of us wanted it. Neither of us saw the value in it being a matter of public record that I had cheated. That was our business. But I signed because we wanted our freedom. Does it explain why our marriage ended? Of course not. The drift began as a thousand tiny hairline cracks that slowly prised us apart over a period of years. I met him when I was in my mid-twenties, at work. We had a lot in common. We did fun things, we wanted the same things. We each gave the other something that was needed, something that had been missing. We bought a house and settled down into a comfortable London life. I was in love with him for a long time. I could never pinpoint a moment when it began slipping out from under me; that’s as hard to capture as the colour of dusk. I just know now that I began changing. Leaning in a different direction, towards different ways of thinking, of living. But friends and family asked:

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Photo by Alasdair Elmes on Unsplash
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Photo by Külli Kittus on Unsplash

We know you and your ex loved each other. Let us help you protect those memories.”

Perhaps if the no-fault divorce passes into law this year that could soon become a reality.

Yoga teacher. Trauma sensitive yoga teacher. Freelance writer & copywriter. Freelance documentary producer. Passenger of la medicina. Instagram: @charlienicyoga

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